Garden Prep - Soil Testing.

Okay, I won't bore you with the old yada-yada soil-testing crap again. Instead I'll bore you with NEW yada-yada soil-testing crap (Honestly, this post is gonna be boring as sh*t so just move along if you don't want to totally start hating me).

If you want to read something almost-entertaining instead, check-out the Bee-Saga which starts here: Bee Saga: Chapter I.

Or, if you're a soil-testing/gardening whack-job, by all means continue reading! :-D

Go here if you want to review the "How To Test Your Soil" stuff, and read Finny's Most Awesome - and actually INTERESTING - instructions (linked from there). And here if you want to see more pictures and read about my last years' results.

I do want to post the test results though (sans pictures - but the vials and colors are pretty-much the same!)

This year, the results aren't quite as good. But that's not surprising - given the hugely productive summer garden and the fact that I have continued gardening thru winter. I will definitely be amending my soil. But I like to type it out so that (Hey!!!), I can look back later and see what I did.

Left (Old) Bed.....Right (Not-as-old) Bed

pH 6.5.................pH 6.5 - Slightly Acid but close-enough to neutral!

N 0......................N 0 - Depleted (No surprise there!)

P 1-2...................P 1 - Deficient to Adequate (2=Adequate)

K 3......................K 3-4 - Adequate to Surplus (4=Surplus)

So obviously I need to add Nitrogen (Blood Meal) and *some* Phosporous (Bone Meal).

Finny demonstrated all the math in Part III of her series.

The Test-Kit package recommendations are based on 100 sq. ft. of garden. I have 2 beds totaling 50 sq. ft. so I'll take the recommendations from the chart and divide by 2 (then halve it again so I have my "per bed" amendment requirements).

Chart sez if Nitrogen is depleted and you're growing fruits/vegetables, you need 14-14.5 oz of Nitrogen Fertilizer. Half of that is roughly 7. And half again is 3.5 oz per bed.

Chart isn't entirely clear on Phosphorous (different requirements for fruits vs. veggies and "Deficient" vs. "Adequate") so I think I'm gonna average it out and go with the "low-end" of Deficient which is close to the "high-end" of Adequate and I'm just babbling now!

4 oz is a nice round and easily-dividable number so I'm going for 2 oz. divided by 2 = 1 oz of Bone-Meal per bed!

Got that?

• Nitrogen Depleted so I'm going for the max amt recommended for anything other than lawns: 14 oz per 100 sq.ft. which ends up equaling 3.5 oz Blood Meal for each of my beds!
• Phosphorous getting low, so I'm gonna toss in 1 oz. of Bone Meal for each bed.

And now I can go back and reference that next year - Yay Me!

Bee Saga: Chapter IV Not-So-Good-News (Or everything you never wanted to know about bees!)

Okay, if you missed the earlier posts, I suggest you start here: Bee Saga: Chapter I. Go ahead, I'll wait!

So where we last left off, I found myself pondering the possibility of taking on Bee-Trapping as a "DIY" Project...

(You didn't really believe that, did you?!)

The short answer is "No."

The slightly longer answer is "Oh HELL no!"

And the "War & Peace" answer follows... (Yes, still MORE rambling!!!)

So I spent a few hours - just Google and Me - learning WAAAAAY more about bees than I ever thought I'd need to know!

Then I shot off an email to one of the (cue the banjo music) Bee-Trappers, explaining our predicament and asking if he could help us.

Well sh*t howdy - what is it with these Bee People I wonder? Within, like, 20 minutes I got a phone call back.

Bee-Peeps: They are ALL OVER IT!

Almost like a swarm, actually!

And no - Thank Gawd - this isn't our tree!

(pic borrowed from Wikipedia)

Anyway, his first words were "I have bad news for you" which, obv, was not what I wanted to hear. First-off, luring bees out of trees is "one of the hardest things to do" (or words to that effect), hence the rather hefty price tag. And we'll get into that momentarily...

The REALLY bad news part is: If there's a hive of bees living INSIDE of your tree, chances are the tree is very sick so "You need to start out by calling an arborist."

Evidently, bees need a fairly large hollow space to call home. We're talking appx 8-10 gallons worth of space. If there's THAT big of a cavity inside of the tree, and that tree towers about 30' tall and about-as-wide directly over your house, and it's unhealthy..? Well, suddenly bees are no longer your biggest worry, right?

Bees are the SYMPTOM of a much bigger problem

:::BIG SIGH:::

I guess I can't keep my Killer Bees a Secret anymore - so I summarized my findings in a somewhat-succinct (and therefore dry-and-boring) email to hubs (who was out of town, at the time - and yes, sometimes it IS best to deliver bad-news from a distance! ;-).

Anyway... Let me tell you what I learned about bee-trapping ("Oh yes, please DO!").

Essentially what needs to happen is:

• Somebody's got to climb up in the tree to get a better look at the hive situation (Not gonna be me - given my fear of heights. And not gonna be Hubs - given his fear of bees!).
  
  
• Then ALL of the hive entrances need to be sealed-off - except for ONE.
  
  
• Then a one-way trap-door thingie needs to be constructed of hardware mesh. Evidently this is some kinda long-skinny cone-shaped thingie that'll allow the worker bees to leave, but not return. And the trap-door thingie has to be sized so that only the worker bees can escape - not the larger drones.
  
  
• Then a second, functioning (and accessible/removable) hive needs to be set-up so the "Oh sh*t I'm locked-out!" bees can begin their exodus by being lured into a new home.
  
  
• Now - get this - there are "Guard Bees" stationed outside of the hives. Guard bees don't let strangers in, as a rule, but worker-bees wearing pollen will be welcomed into the hive.
  
  Kinda like one of those snooty night-clubs where everybody's shuffling from foot-to-foot while standing in line for-EVAR and the bouncer, Bruno-with-the-bulging-biceps is, like, totally not letting anyone in except for the sexy b*tches in miniskirts who sashay up to the front of the line and bat their eyes just-so and all that sh*t. Yeah, like that!
  
  (and you thought this was gonna be boring!)
  
  
• The best time to start this process, actually, is early-spring because the bees' honey-stores will be mostly-depleted - since all they do is sleep and eat-honey through winter (lazy bastitches!). Since they're just-now ramping-up production, it will be easier for them to be welcomed into their new home (as described above).
  
  
• The second-best time of year to do this is toward the end of summer - when there's no more pollen to collect and they start to settle-in for winter. Downside to that is: You'll have a hive (or, in my case, TREE) full of honey which will be a magnet for wasps, mice, rats, and other undesirables...
  
  
• BTW - Exterminating the bees IN the hive is a bad idea because the aforementioned vermin-types, evidently, find the smell of dead-bee bodies (+ honey) to be irresistible ("Ew!").
  
  
• Now this whole bee-exodus/process takes approximately 6 weeks to complete. And the beekeeper has to keep coming back to check on things.
  
• He has to make sure that he did, in fact, seal all of the entrances so that the bees aren't getting back into the tree-hive.
  
  
• And make sure that no fat-drones got jammed up in the exit of the one-way trap-door cone-thingie.
  
  
• If the new-hive gets over-crowded, he replaces it with a new one and the exodus continues...
  
  
• At some point, the queen realizes that her (fickle) minions have deserted her and she stops performing her Queenly-duties (not entirely sure what that means - but I'm guessing she gets all depressed roaming around in her big empty Queendom and starts cursing and throwing things and becoming an all-around PMS-b*tch).
  

Once most of the bees have been evicted, there's a whole 'nuther set of issues to deal with. Seems that an abandoned-hive is a magnet for other roving bees (excuse me - I think that'd be a "swarm!"). So if you leave an open, empty hive alone - well, you might as well put up a "For Rent" sign because you will quickly find yourself with a brandy-new batch o' bees! (So - even if Pest Control *had* been successful at nuking the hive, last year - the problem will soon return).

Bottom Line: When it's all said-and-done, the hive needs to be closed-up and (presumably) goozed-up, inside, with something that will make it inhospitable for future bee inhabitants.

Annnnd... Every year afterward, somebody's gotta go up there with some kinda sealant to make sure all of the entrances remain closed because, as the tree continues to grow, the formerly-sealed openings will, well, re-open and that whole "Come on and move in!" threat returns.

* * * * *

So that, pretty-much, sums up all that I learned about bee-trapping. Well, that and the fact that attempting to "start-up" as a beekeeper with my very own "Hobby Hive" would be an expensive venture (to say nothing of "Stressful" - srsly, go read through Finny's Beekeeping Exploits! That girl is certifiable!!!)

Nowwwwww................. Not sure if the Bee Saga stories are gonna continue, or if I'm gonna switch gears and call it "Tree Removal" (which, honestly, sounds way more boring if you ask me!). Hubs did call a Certified Arborist (Not "Sumdood with a Chainsaw") and he's supposed to come out on Monday to give the tree a look-see. I have a sneaking suspicion that the $1,000 price-tag for bee-removal is gonna sound downright cheap if it turns out that Monster Tree has to go!

We'll see what happens. Stay tuned for updates!

In the meantime, I have Garden Chores to attend to, and more Ceramic Pieces to glaze (this weekend, I hope!). And I think we have some Boat-Chores to complete as well...

The fun never stops I tellya!

Next up in the saga: Monster Tree stories

Bee Saga: Chapter III - The Bee-Man Cometh....

If you missed the earlier posts, I suggest you start here: Bee Saga: Chapter I.

So, where we last left-off, I had written my Blog-Buddy Finnyknits, a new-ish beekeeper (and therefore "Living Breathing Expert On All Things Bee-Related"), asking for advice about "What to do" about the hive that had returned to the Monster-Tree, out front. Finny advised contacting a beekeeper on the "Swarms" list at the Santa Clara Beekeeper's Guild.

So I went to the site, and scrolled thru the page, trying to find someone who serviced our area...

Picked up my cell-phone, dialed a number, and lo' and behold! someone actually ANSWERED!!!

"Hi, is this so-and-so?"

"Yes, it is."

"Hi, so-and-so, my name is QT (okay, no, not really - but whatEVAR!!!) and I found you thru the Beekeeper's Guild. I have a swarm of bees. Can you help me?"

Blah-dee-blah, yada-yada. Gave him a description of what I could see. "About 10-12 feet off the ground..." "Yeah, here's my address...." And "You'll be here in an HOUR?! Really?!!"

Wow.

Sure as sh*t. He was here in an hour!

He even brought a Beekeeping "Apprentice" along. Wow!!!

Welllllll.... Long story short.... Apparently I used the wrong nomenclature in the Beekeeping World (Ooooops!)

Now where I thought that a "Swarm of Bees" was kinda like a "Gaggle of Geese" or a "Pride of Lions" or "Pack of Coyotes" (or whatever of whatevers!)... Apparently that was WRONG!

It seems that a "swarm," more-specifically, is referring to a large quantity of bees that is "on the move." My bees, clearly established in the tree, were NOT "on the move."

And I learned that they... Well, they not only lived in the tree (like, in a hive built in the tree). They actually lived IN the tree (like, INSIDE of the tree), so it's not like somebody could just grab the hive and take it. They would need to be "trapped" and he wasn't a "Bee-Trapper."

Well, sh*t!

So I apologized for not using the correct terminology explaining that "Well, I'm not an apiarist! I honestly didn't know and I'm sorry for taking your time. But I greatly appreciate you coming out!"

He was cool with that, actually. (I really did feel bad - but how could I know, right???)

Anyway, I did ask him "Well who CAN help me?" and he said I should go back to the Bee-Guild site and look for Bee-Trappers.

So I got a bit of an internal "chuckle" over the whole visual of a "Bee-Trapper" wearing a bee-veil over a coonskin cap, as I surfed thru the Bee Guild Website. Then I started clicking on the (minimal) links for "more advanced" bee-removal/bee-trappers, I saw that it was gonna cost something like $500.00-1000.00 to have bees removed from a tree (Holy sh*t!), and suddenly all of the "humor" vanished!!!

Ohhhh sh*t!!!

And I began to wonder: "Is this something I can do myself????"

Next...

Bee Saga: Chapter II - Killer Bees!

Yes... More rambling ensues! But I figured it made sense to break-it-up into smaller chunks, at least!

Annnnd I'm getting a little lazy, but this is an "edited" Copy & Paste from a recent email to Ms. Finnyknits...

QT's Bee Saga - Chapter II - Killer Bees!

Okay, if you missed the earlier posts, I suggest you start here: Bee Saga: Chapter I. Go ahead, I'll wait!

I think I mentioned that we had a hive in our Big-Mamma-Jamma Pepper-tree, out front. And that hubs (who is deathly afraid and kind-of allergic) tried to have Pest-Control vanquish the hive last year - to no avail.

When we last "spoke" about the subject, I'd asked you for Apiarist-kinda Contacts who might be willing to remove said-hive - if hubs pitched a fit. And I would "wait and see" if the hive returned. Well. It did! (Sh*t howdy!)

I still have the list (thanks!), but I had indicated that I *liked* the bees 'cuz they're good for the garden and all that.

Luckily, hubs hasn't yet noticed that the bees have returned.

Not so luckily, I have noticed them and, well, it seems to me that there are WAY MORE bees than there were, last year.

And where, last year, they seemed content to buzz around my fruit trees and veggie beds in the back garden (and also near the pool equipment aka: HUBBIE'S DOMAIN - but he's not been back there much - YET!)... This year? Well, not so much!

So, this morning, I went out to my car, popped the trunk and grabbed something out of it. As I was about to close the lid, a bee flew in. I gently and politely waved him away, explaining "You don't want to get trapped in there, Mr. Bee." Whereupon Mr. Bee got kind of pissed and started buzzing me (and yes - these are the little honeybees - not the nasty hornet/waspy bastards). Then a couple of his buddies joined him, and they're all buzzing around my car and sh*t, when I'm trying to get in it, right?

And I'm all "C'mon guys! Back off! You DON'T want to go for a ride with me!"

And they're all "Yeah b*tch?! Swat ME away, willya?!"

And I'm all "Yeah! Take that you little f**ker!" (Okay, I didn't say THAT out loud. There are children in the neighborhood).

So then I get in my car after I, again, gently and politely waved them away. Then closed the door quickly.

Then, as I'm driving to the grocery store there's a goddamned BUZZING in my car because one of the little f**kers managed to sneak in!

I'm thinkin' "GREAT - that's JUST what I need! Wrap my car around a friggin' tree while I'm trying to swat a bee out through my open window while hauling @$$ down the street. Sh*t!"

Okay okay okay...

So back to the original question: Does the bee-population tend to explode during year #2? And what's up with this "wanting to go for a ride in my car" crap? Are they just bored and pissed-off that the peach-blossoms are all gone and there are no tomato blossoms to take their place? Are these, like, Oakland Gangsta bees who would otherwise be out tagging freeway signs because they're out of work and the educational system has failed them?

I guess I'm wondering if I need to worry about potential aggressive behavior and if - maybe - I oughtta call one of those beekeeper dudes and just get rid of the hive - once and for all.

* * * * *

So I won't post Finny's full reply, but the general gist was: Call a Beekeeper and get rid of the hive...

Next up: I meet a real-live beekeeper!

It's the Bees Knees -- Err Trees! (Bee-Saga: Chapter I)

Warning: Rampant Rambling ahead (You have been warned)!

But it *is* Garden-related, so I'll file it thusly!

QT's Bee Saga - Chapter I - The Background:

Hmmm... Where to begin? I have many, many bee-stories I could tell (but some of 'em may have been wasp stories - hard to say). Let's just go back to last spring and start there, shall we?

We have this Big-Mamma-Jamma Ginormous Schinus molle tree in our front yard. It's been there since forever. It's pretty. It provides shade. But it poops like hell (leaves, red berries, whatevers, pretty-much year round). Well, last year we noticed that a colony of bees had taken up residence in said tree. Given it's rather monstrous size, and my fondness for remaining firmly-attached to the ground, and the standard "common-sense" avoidance of stinging insects, I never really investigated it to determine exactly *where* they lived.

To be honest, I didn't particularly care! I rather like the bees because they do a simply stupendous job of pollinating all of my fruits and veggies! Plus I subscribe to the belief that "If you don't f**k with them, they won't f**k with you," right?!

I could wander back into the garden, all "Tra-la-la-la-la" with bees buzzing all around me, and never once did I get stung! In fact, I rather enjoyed trying to catch close-up shots of them like thus:

Check out Tubby the Bumblebee on the top,

and underneath - to the left - is a little honeybee!

(We're talking about little honeybees, by the way.

Not Tubby McBumble.)

Hubs, on the other hand, does not share my "Live and Let Live" attitude. He is of the belief that ALL stinging insects are "Out to Get Him!" And, in fact, I do *attempt* to stifle a few good laughs (with varying degrees of success) whenever he perceives that he is being "Attacked" by the Vile Creatures (he performs a most entertaining "interpretive dance")!

To be fair hubs *is* allergic. We aren't talking "Anaphylactic-Shock/Call 9-1-1" Allergic, but he does swell-up and feels pretty lousy whenever he does get stung (usually by the wasps who *also* like to claim our yard as their home).

Anyway, last year, he called out Pest-Control a couple of times - to have them nuke the hive ("Boo! Hiss!") (those are the words on the inside!). My guess was that they weren't successful at eradicating the queen because the bees returned...

Late last year, hubs had a "Tree Service" come out to do a serious trimming of the Monster Tree. And by "Tree Service," I mean some dude who showed up our doorstep with a business card, offering to trim our tree. As a rule, I stay out of all that business ("That's MAN'S work!"), but after they shook hands, Jose showed up in his pick-up truck with a ladder, some chainsaws, and a couple of "Home Depot Amigos." I'm not sure, but I suspect he wasn't licensed, bonded, or insured. But - like I say - I stay out of it!

Imagine the three amigos' surprise when they discovered - after climbing into the upper canopy - that they would be working alongside an angry horde of bees! To their credit, they did do an amazingly good job of trimming the tree back. I have no clue if anybody got stung, but the job got done for a reasonable price (and very, very quickly!)...

And, of course, after they left, the bees then resumed their duties, pollinating my garden, and ensuring a most bountiful harvest. Yay Bees!

In the meantime, I learned a little more about bees and beekeeping by following Finny's Beekeeping Exploits. Frankly, it seems like an awful lot of work (just getting the permit from the City - alone - would have been enough to stop me!)... But it's fun to experience beekeeping vicariously. I like to think I'm doing my own beekeeping - without all the work (and also without the benefit of harvest-able honey or beeswax!).

So anyway... Last summer drew to a close and the bees seemed to have all-but disappeared...

And Hubs has been watching documentaries on Netflix about Honeybee Collapse and all of that stuff...

And I get to wondering about "What if the bees return?" and thinking how awful it would be to lose them (Worse still: To be responsible for their demise in the form of "calling Pest Control" again!). So I dropped Finny an email (she, being the ONLY beekeeper I know, and therefore an EXPERT!!!) ("Ha!" uttered with all-due-respect). End result: She pointed me to the Santa Clara Valley Beekeepers Guild and said that they would have resources for removing the hive, if the need arose.

Now, my Evil Plan was to "keep" the bees for as long as possible (hoping that hubs would remain oblivious!) ("Ha! Fat Chance!"). At the very least, I was hoping to get through springtime so my fruit trees would get pollinated. And hubs' Outdoor Responsibilities (lawn mowing, pool-setup) usually don't occur until after Tree-Pollination is complete. So, there's a "chance" I can make it!!!

My Biggest Goal, of course, was to avoid calling Pest-Control out again to Kill The Bees ("Nnnnooooo!!!!!").

So, up until a few days ago, the hive seemed to be pretty quiet, right? I mean, yeah, when the fruit trees were blossoming, I did see a few bees - but nothing like last summer. So maybe this'll be a non-issue, right?

WRONGGGG!!!

Next up: Killer Bees!

New "Content!" Ceramic Stuff and Master Gardeners Mayhem!

Minimal Ramblings and Mostly Content - Hey!!!

So last weekend, P and I went to a "Build A Birdhouse" Workshop at another local studio. I figured I could post pictures of what I made - just for sh*ts and grins:

Birdhouse #1: Tiki-Shack

(No surprise there!)

Birdhouse #2: Normal Birdhouse

(Yawwwwwnnnn!)

Birdhouse #3: Outhouse

Complete with toilet!

(Yes, the other students thought I was nuts - but yes, they laughed!)

Templates for birdhouses - cut out of roofing tarpaper

(P snagged copies of them - Yay!)

(And yes. I will be making more birdhouses)

So - that was LAST weekend. Pieces aren't done yet - we'll stop by the studio, next week, to glaze the pieces for final firing...

* * * * *

THIS weekend, we attended the annual Santa Clara Master Gardeners Spring Sale. We kept an eye on the weather (rains predicted) and hoped that the turn-out, this year, would be fairly light...

As we were driving to the sale, the skies began to darken, but the streets remained dry. However, as we got closer, it began to sprinkle...

When we first arrived (about 20 minutes before opening-time), the line stretched "only partway" around the block. This was certainly an improvement over years' past - but we still had plenty of "Hardcore" Gardeners to contend with!!!

And - just FYI - the way to tell the "Amateurs" from the "Hard-Core Crowd" is that the "Seasoned Professionals" know to bring some kind of cart for toting their purchases (and the Amateurs have that whole "Deer in the headlights" look!). To be fair, the Master Gardeners *do* provide boxes near the entrance, but the boxes are ENTIRELY insufficient for transporting acquisitions (which must be attained through elbowing/eye-gouging or ANY MEANS NECESSARY) from the tables to the check-out line!

Protective Gear is advisable!

Anyhooooo.... We parked, and waited at the truck 'til the line dispersed. Then we joined the Mad Horde:

Line, waiting for the last gate to open

The gate opened (to a loud cheer and applause) and quickly moved into the main sales area... This is the point where it's advisable to "Divide and Conquer!" (As in: "Okay, you go to the Peppers: I want an Ancho Poblano, Anaheim, Jalapeño and Red Beauty. I'll hit the Beefsteak tomatoes first, then the Pastes, what do you want?" "I'll meet you at Cherry Tomatoes!") We didn't employ these More Advanced tactics (Others did! I swear!) - but we did split-up, briefly!

And THEN the skies opened-up. Good GAWD did they open! You know how I'd been p*ssing and moaning about the paltry-pathetic-pissy rainstorms we've had, so far, this year? Well, this was a bona-fide deluge - dammit!

Tomato Alley - at the beginning of the rainstorm

Well, we were there and - by Gawd - we were GONNA get our veggies - dammit!

Of course, BEFORE the sale, P had proudly announced that she was gonna buy "Only Six Plants." I referenced last years' Garden Sale "Plans vs Actuals" on Facebook (where she had announced that she was only gonna buy FOUR plants) (and ended up with 18!).

This looks like more than six plants!

I had predicted "13" - but she ended up with 14

(+ 3 more purchased at the outside vendor booths)

I, of course, know better than to predict that I will show any semblance of "restraint!"

My Final Haul!

Twenty-six plants

(mostly tomatoes, but plenty of beans, peppers, eggplants and herbs, as well)

(and I did pick-up a couple of add'l plants "on the outside!")

When it was all said-and-done, I looked (and felt!) like a Drowned Rat!!! I pulled the truck into the driveway so I could unload the cart from the back-seat and drag it into the backyard.

I did wait for the rains to subside before I moved "the Babies" into their Temporary Home...

Thankfully, there was a break in the rain this afternoon, and I did manage to re-jigger the greenhouse so I could move them in...

Top Row of Babies - in the greenhouse...

Second row of babies...

And I've pulled-out my Hydro-Farm Mega-Garden

and Adjustable Light Fixture.

Need to clean it out, then rig-it-up for lettuces and culinary (NOT medicinal!) herbs...

(Next Project!!!)

Annnnd... My Bathroom Seedlings continue to grow!

In the next week, I hope to Test and Amend my raised beds (per the links in my last post). Maybe get some sh*t moved-along in my studio (lots of "Works In Process"). Contemplate the idea of building, maybe, a third raised bed (over where the Straw-Bale bed is, now). And clean-up/set-up my hydroponic garden!

Yeah - Ambitious, I know! (and - honestly - I doubt I'll get to most of 'em anytime soon, but it's good to set goals, right?!! Or "Be delusional" - take your pick!!!)

Gardening Madness Repeat

:::whew::: I think I'm on-track!

I pulled up last year's post here and I didn't perform my Soil-Testing Ritual 'til April 8. So I'm not gonna sweat it!

Nevertheless, I felt it was appropo to re-post the link (as well as the links to Finny's most awesome instructions).

Besides, it'll make it easier for me to pull it up when I'm ready to start testing (And it's All About Meeeeeeee!!!!).

Later!